Chuck vs The Fluffy Christmas
by ne71
Summary: A grim and gritty tale of one man's journey through purgatory to redemption-   Nah, just kidding.  Dusted off my WAY submission from last year.  Normal goofiness abounds.


_This was my entry for last year's "Who Are You" challenge. _

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><p><strong>Chuck vs the Fluffy Christmas<strong>

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><p><em>December 24, 2008<em>

Chuck waved at Morgan and Anna, the last of his departing co-workers, and locked the front door to the BuyMore. He took a moment to rub his tired eyes before looking out at the almost-empty parking lot. It had been a long day or last-minute shoppers, made longer by the absence of a certain CIA agent-yogurt girl, who had promised she'd try her best to make it back from DC for Christmas Eve with Ellie and Awesome.

Chuck tucked his hands into his pockets and began to walk towards his Nerd Herder. _Guess it's just me and the happy couple tonight,_ he thought to himself.

"Bartowski."

Chuck nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice from behind him. He whirled around to see John Casey, standing a foot away.

"How does a human being as large as you move that quietly?"

Casey shrugged. "Years of training. Comfortable shoes." Chuck laughed.

Casey didn't.

"Oh, you're serious about the... well, yeah, that makes sense, I guess-"

"Ride back with me, I want to talk to you," Casey said, not waiting for Chuck's answer before turning and walking towards his waiting Crown Vic. Chuck sighed and followed obediently.

xxx

"So, by 'talk' you meant 'drive in absolute silence.' That's cool, I guess," Chuck said as they pulled into the parking lot for their apartment building. Casey hadn't said a word the entire trip, and had in fact seemed nervous. He shut the car off but made no move to get out.

"Casey, are you-"

"I know this has been tough," Casey finally blurted out. "You didn't ask to be put in the situation you're in, but you're doing the best you know how. And I know I don't show it in how I act or the things I say, but I want you to know that..." Casey seemed to search for the courage to speak again.

"...I want you to know that I'm proud of you."

Chuck stared in stunned silence for a moment. "You... with the... you're..."

Casey sighed. "Let's not make a federal case out of it; okay, Bartowski? I just... with Christmas and all..." His voice trailed off as he looked out the window at the decorations on Ellie's door.

Chuck nodded. "You, uh... coming for dinner tomorrow?"

Casey grunted as he opened the car door. "I suppose your sister won't take no for an answer?"

Chuck laughed and opened his own door, climbing out. "You're getting the hang of it, Casey." The two walked through the courtyard, and towards their respective apartments. Just before Chuck reached his door, he turned. "Casey."

Casey stopped and faced Chuck.

"Thank you," Chuck said. "That couldn't have been easy to say."

Casey grunted affirmatively. "Merry Christmas, Bartowski." He walked into his apartment and shut the door behind him before Chuck could reply. Chuck smiled and walked into his own.

Once inside, he took a moment to look around at the decorations Ellie had placed throughout the living room. He made a mental note to compliment her on the work she'd done. If left to his own devices, Chuck supposed the Charlie Brown Christmas tree would even be a stretch.

It was then that Chuck heard voices coming from his bedroom. Brow creased, he approached and opened the door to see who was there. His jaw dropped in shock.

There, in his room, was Ellie, talking to his computer screen.

To _General Beckman_ on his computer screen.

"So, I sprinkle the cinnamon after it bakes?" the General asked.

"Mmm mmm," Ellie hummed, shaking her head. "Before. That's the secret."

Beckman's face broke out into an enormous grin. "These are going to be the best scones ever. Huzzah!"

"Ellie!" Chuck gasped. "General! I- I can explain!"

"No need, Chuck," Beckman soothed.

"It's a virtual reality program Morgan downloaded, and- I'm sorry, what?"

"Chuck," Ellie said, taking her brother's hands. "I'm so sorry. I stumbled onto your emergency connection while I was in here cleaning. General Beckman told me everything – how you're a top-secret government asset with scores of intel in your head, how Sarah and Casey are actually your handlers, and how you've been forced to lie to me in order to protect me – and I want you to know that I'm okay with all of it."

"The General, and... scones... and..." Chuck blinked a few times. "You're really okay with it?"

"Absolutely," Ellie smiled. "My little brother, saving the world. I think it's... awesome."

"He's good at it, too," Beckman chimed in. "Also, kind of hunky."

Chuck blinked again. "That... was... kind of unrelated."

"What can I say," Beckman shrugged. "Mama likey. Thanks for the recipe, Ellie."

Ellie saluted.

"Good day to you both, and Merry Christmas." Beckman terminated the connection, leaving a dark screen.

"Monday morning is going to be weird," Chuck mused.

"Chuck," Ellie said, tightening her grip on his hands, "tell me. You and Sarah. Is that real, or is it – what did the General call it – 'part of your cover?'"

Chuck opened his mouth to reply, his head swimming, but no sound came out. It was a question he'd asked himself – hell, asked _her_, under the influence of truth serum no less – countless times before, and right now he was no closer to an answer than he ever had been. But a voice from the Morgan Door answered for him:

"It's real."

Chuck and Ellie turned to see Sarah, standing outside the window, the hint of a cautious smile on her face. Chuck lit up in surprise and happiness.

"Sarah!" he exclaimed, rushing to the window to help her inside. "You made it!"

"I promised, didn't I?" she said, stepping into Chuck's room. "Hi, Ellie. Sounds like the jig is up."

"Busted wide open," Ellie said, pulling Sarah into a hug. "So, how big a hero is my little brother?"

"The biggest," Sarah said, smiling in Chuck's direction. Chuck sputtered.

"She's- ah- that's probably more of an exaggeration than-"

"Ellie, can you give us a minute to talk?" Sarah asked.

Ellie smiled knowingly at Sarah and nodded. She gave Chuck a kiss on the cheek. "I'm proud of you," she said, hugging him before walking out. Chuck turned to Sarah.

"I have no idea how it happened," Chuck blurted out, panicking. "I was- Casey and I were- she must have been in here cleaning or-"

"Chuck," Sarah interrupted. "It's okay. I just need to talk to you. It's about Bryce. There's no easy way to say this..."

Chuck closed his eyes and waited for the bomb. This was, of course, where Sarah told him that it was all fake, that she had lied in front of Ellie to keep up appearances, that she had been contacted by Bryce and that he needed her to come join him in the Caribbean to quell a revolution. He braced for it-

"Bryce has a vagina."

And, there it was. She wasn't his, could never be his, she belonged to the world, but specifically to-

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?"

Sarah breathed in deeply. "It's his greatest secret. Bryce has both male and female genitalia. It's the reason why I could never... you know... with him."

"I... just... WHAT?"

"Please don't make me say it again."

"But... all this time... I thought you and he were..."

"I know, Chuck, and I'm sorry to put you through that. I used the idea of a relationship between Bryce and me to push you away. It was a defense mechanism. But I was a different person when I planted that idea. You've changed me."

"This is all... it's amazing."

Sarah hugged Chuck tighter, and pressed her head against his chest. "Can you ever forgive me?"

Chuck nodded sagely. "Of course, Sarah. I could never hold Bryce's lady parts against you."

"Neither could he, Chuck. Neither could he."

"You know, in the pantheon of Chuck Bartowski Christmases, this one is shaping up to be a pretty good one."

"Just pretty good?"

"Well, in 1987 I got the GI Joe Helicarrier. It's going to be tough to top that."

"Well," Sarah purred, tilting her head so she could place a small kiss on Chuck's ear. "Lock your door, and I'll see what I can do."

Chuck's eyes went wide, and then an enormous grin spread across his face. "Merry Christmas to us all." He sighed, and stood perfectly still.

"Chuck?"

"Hm?"

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting to wake up."

"Um... why?"

"Come on, Sarah - Casey's proud of me, Ellie's okay with the spy thing, Bryce is a hermaphrodite – this is obviously a dream."

"Um... no, it's not."

"Sarah. CASEY IS PROUD OF ME. Dream."

"Not a dream, Chuck." And to illustrate her point, Sarah pulled Chuck down into a passionate kiss. Surprised at first, Chuck quickly adjusted and kissed back, finally breaking it when they both needed to breathe. He pressed his forehead against Sarah's, and gently stroked her hair. After a long moment, Sarah finally broke the silence.

"An alternate universe, maybe; but definitely not a dream."

"Eh. I'll take what I can get."

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><p><em>Merry Christmas, everyone!<br>__-Nick_


End file.
